Several years ago, I joined a rafting expedition down the Zambezi River in Zambia, Africa. The Zambezi is known to have the best category 5 rapids (most dangerous) of any river in the world. Our expedition had two rafts with six people on each raft. Each raft had an expert guide and was accompanied by a safety kayak in case a raft capsized. We were all warned about the alligators, hippos, potential for accidents, and vortices that we could encounter on our five day “fun float” down the river. As it turned out, we managed to avoid the alligators and hippos. It was the vortex that almost caused the demise of two of our fellow passengers.
For rafting life, a vortex is a whirling mass of water that sucks everything near it toward its center and can be inescapable. In ordinary life, that sucking force can be a vortex of despair. In this post, I will share what happened with the whirling water vortex we encountered on the river as well as the spiraling despair vortices we all encounter in our own ways practically every day.
First, the Zambezi near death experience. We had been on the river four days and had successfully navigated most of the category 5 rapids. The expert oarsmen guiding the boat were deeply experienced, highly gifted, and responsible young men. Even with their experience and expertise, however, two of the rapids got the best of my raft and all the “passengers” were thrown (and I mean thrown) overboard. Fortunately, the river was warm, there were no lurking predators, we were all wearing helmets and buoyancy vests; and we were able to get back to the raft, flip it back over and climb back in. We were all unharmed, albeit unsettled.
On the last day, as we approached the last dangerous rapid, the guide gave us a choice to take the “safe” route or the more “challenging” one. Since our raft had already flipped twice, we chose the safe route; the other raft chose to be challenged. Our team managed to navigate the rapids and waited on the other side to watch the other raft follow its chosen path. Within minutes, the raft was catapulted into the air and all passengers were thrown hither and yond. Two passengers, a husband and wife, got sucked into a vortex. For several seconds – it seemed like several minutes – they didn’t resurface. In the end, the good River Zambezi released them from its grip and they popped back up to the surface. The expert kayak patrols quickly retrieved them and pulled them to the safety of their raft. The couple was shaken but safe. Whew!!
When we asked the couple to share their experience after the event, they both said they simply relaxed and waited. There was nothing else they could do. Fighting the whirling and swirling mass of water was impossible. They just had to trust that the Good River Zambezi would spit them out and let them go. A happy ending.
I share this story because it represents a perfect metaphor for the challenges we face on a daily basis trying to avoid negative energy vortices constantly wanting to suck us in. It feels like they are lurking beyond every turn in the river of life we find ourselves floating through. On a global level, we have climate change, war, gun violence, pandemic, racism, sexism, anti-semitism, recession, inflation – pick your vortex. On a local level, each community offers its own unique set of vortices to drag you under. On a personal level, we all dance with our individualized vortices.
Just in the past week, I’ve had two local vortices calling my name – our school board and my Homeowner’s Association (HOA). I thought when my kids graduated from high school, that was the end of school board issues; and when I left NYC, my HOA nightmares would end. Oh, how wrong I was.
Here’s the backdrop. Like school boards across the country, our board consists of non-paid, elected residents in the community with different interests, education, experience and agendas. In our case, there has been tension between the Board and the Superintendent of Schools. The vast majority of people in the community support our Superintendent. She was born and raised in our town, she graduated from our public schools, she worked in education for 30 years, and served as Superintendent here for the last two years. Most kids, teachers, parents and community members felt she did an excellent job navigating the pandemic, a huge construction project, and a new millage proposal while providing competent administration for the whole district. She managed to turn around a declining population, produce outstanding academic achievement, and support winning athletic teams. She was also a valued and beloved contributor to many community organizations. Last December, the Board gave her a 3.7 evaluation on a 4.0 scale. Then, they decided not to renew her contract. Whoa!! Not surprisingly, the community asked: “What’s going on here?” “Is there something we don’t know?” “Why can’t you work out whatever difficulty exists between you?”
Being as involved in the community as I am, I attended the meeting at which the Superintendent announced her “resignation.” The room was filled with concerned citizens who wanted the Board and the Superintendent to reconsider their parting of ways.
I decided to be quiet and listen. I wanted to hear the full story from both the Board and the Superintendent. At least 20 people made public comments supporting the Superintendent. There were no negative comments about her. Enough set-up. When it came time for the Superintendent to give her side of the story, the Board Chair kept interrupting and contradicting. No longer able to contain myself, I got sucked into the vortex of all this negative energy. I shouted out (inappropriately) “THIS IS THE SUPERINTENDENT’S REPORT. LET HER FINISH!” I was immediately reprimanded and told that public comments were over. I said no more.
But here’s the rub. No further words were spoken, but my internal voices were churning – whirling and swirling and spiraling me down into my personal vortex. One, I hate being reprimanded. Two, I was outraged at what was happening. Three, I felt completely powerless to change the course of the river raging by me and through me. Two sleepless nights later, I was finally able to relax, release, and return to a more desired state of being. I haven’t given up, but I am no longer being washed away with negative emotions. I’ve spent many, many years in disciplined practice trying to remain calm and clear on my life’s journey. I still got sucked in. Negative energy vortices are strong and overpowering – at least for me.
One more. I’m President of our Homeowner’s Association where I live. It’s a condominium development with 8 residential and 2 commercial units. The building was completed two years ago, and we were the first owner/occupiers. A few months ago, a new commercial resident bought the last unit. From day one, he started pushing the envelope. First, new windows appeared on the side of the building. He denied responsibility. Then, he wanted to add a door to the building. The Board denied the request. Then, he demanded changes be made to the siding and sidewalk (in fairness, there was some legitimacy to the requests if not the urgency). We took action to respond. Finally, two new unapproved signs appeared in the front of the building advertising his business – a direct violation of the by-laws. The Board asked him firmly and respectfully to remove one of the signs. All of this kerfuffle required the Board to meet several times to discuss appropriate action. We wanted to be fair, but we needed to send a message that by-laws exist for a reason.
As much as I tried to resist getting caught up in this current, I kept getting dragged deeper and deeper into it. I was under the water fighting to get back to the calm of the surface, but was flailing and failing miserably. As much as I wanted to return to the tranquility of my life where I could read, write, exercise, and meditate without distraction, here I was – trying to stay afloat with the roar of the rapids ringing in my ears. Fortunately, the entire community backed the Board’s decision and we will be able to return to the peaceful pact we had before #10 arrived.
You get the point. Life is full of negative energy vortices and the only way out is by relaxing, releasing, and returning to our natural blissful states. We weren’t born this way. As the Tao says, “Return to baby.” Peaceful, calm, loving, harmonious. Ahhh, if only it were so easy.
Let’s unpack those 3 R’s a little further to see if we can get to a solution here. If I can relax in tense moments, I can experience a sense of calm that enables me to think clearly. If I can release my need to control events, then I can let go of any neurotic beliefs that make me more vulnerable to getting sucked in, i.e. practice non-attachment. If I can return to who I am and who I aspire to be, than I am more likely to act as a divinely inspired cosmic messenger who can inject positive energy into negative situations when they occur. Essentially, there are two ways to avoid getting trapped in negative energy vortices. One, avoid situations where they are likely to occur – like Zambezi river rafting trips; or two, strengthen your sense of control and agency by Relaxing, Releasing, and Returning. It seems to me that those are our two choices.
In the midst of these struggles, of course, I came across an absolutely beautiful book by Sarah Ruhl and Max Ritvo, Letters from Max. Sarah is an American playwright, professor, and essayist. She is the recipient of the MacArthur Fellowship and the PEN Theater Award. Two of her plays have been finalists for the Pulitzer Prize for Drama, and she received a nomination for a Tony for Best Play. Max was an American poet who was one of Sarah’s students at Yale who had been diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma when he was 16 and died from the disease at 25. Talk about a negative energy vortex.
From the time he met Sarah in one of her classes until he died, they maintained a loving correspondence during the ups and downs of his disease and treatments. Letters from Max poignantly recounts their growing relationship and brilliant exchanges. In the heaviness of the content, I somehow felt lightened by its beauty and process. In spite of its sadness, I was inspired by their soulfulness. It was a spiritually uplifting book I highly recommend. In the end, they were both able to relax and release in their own ways. Sadly, Max was not able to return to the life he had envisioned. But perhaps he has returned and will return . . . . . . .to the Source with more Force.
Here’s a portion of a poem Max wrote in the book that gives you an appreciation for his depth and genius. It captures a fictional exchange with his mother about life, reveals his spiritual nature and sensitivities, provides a glimpse into his sense of humor, and summarizes the difficulty of staying afloat among all the negative energy vortices luring us into their depths. The title is “Washing Dishes with your Mother.”
Max says:
“To imagine a heaven is to admit
There are things in this
World you think you could never
Bring yourself to love,
Even given an unlimited number of attempts”
Mother responds:
“Learn to love everything – the world becomes heaven”
Max retorts:
“That sounds hard: I have a better idea, pass the soap”
If only we could learn to love everything, the world would become heaven. If only we could admit that there are things in this world we will probably never bring ourselves to love – even with an unlimited number of attempts – then we will suffer less. If only we could relax, release, and return to a state of calm clarity, we may be able to simply pass the soap. If only we were able to return to the Source and gather more Force to deal with the next vortex we encounter, then we might actually make a difference in the world. It seems to me that THIS possibility is what makes life meaningful.
For me, these posts help me return to a state of calm clarity. The process helps me clarify and cleanse. I appreciate the fact that you indulge and support my musings. I hope that some of the posts help you navigate whatever negative energy vortices suck you into a whirling, swirling mess. May you find your Source and increase your Force as you navigate this river called life.
Also published on Medium.
