“Perception is real even when it is not reality.” Edward DeBono
“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there”… George Harrison
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8fFdc-karA
Every Monday for the past two months I have stood next to the highway in my tiny village of Elk Rapids, Michigan with my fellow democrats waving Biden signs to passersby. Therefore, I’m taking some infinitesimally small piece of credit for our victory on November 3rd. More importantly, the experience served to solidify my belief that our work is just beginning.
It was jarring to see the demographic divide up close and personal over those few months. At first I was amused by the aggressive reactions of Trump voters to our signs but, over time, a depressing pattern unfolded just as our flags did. The most vociferous and violent reactions came from a group with remarkably similar characteristics – the scornful shouts, fuck-you-fingers, and angry thumbs-down protests came from uneducated (assumption), white, male, truck-driving, rifle-toting, tattoo-bearing, blue-collar workers. Their rage at seeing a bunch of pampered, educated, latte-sipping, Volvo-driving, New York Times reading, white men and women supporting progressive policies almost put them over the edge. It crossed my mind that our lively demonstration could indeed elicit a deadly response. Rage was palpable.
Two different worlds. Two different agendas. Two different realities. The question is, How do we promote positive change when there is no sense of shared reality between opposing groups or competing bubbles? How do we move forward when real perceptions don’t reflect reality?
In my work with organizations over the past 50 years, I have found most successful change efforts depend on three over-riding factors:
- A shared sense of the current state – the reality
- A common passion for a desired future state – the possibility
- A spirit of collaboration to close the gap between the current state and the desired future state – the social contract (agreed upon norms and values)
Most successful change efforts occur when people take the time to talk about where they are, where they want to be, and how they intend to accomplish common goals and values. When there are no common goals or values and there is no sense of shared reality, then chances are somewhere between slim and none of realizing possibilities for the future.
You may have heard the saying, “If you don’t where you are going, you may end up somewhere else.” (The link at the beginning of this post is to a George Harrison song to that effect.) I might add, “If you can’t agree where you are, then you don’t know where to start.” That’s the question. How can we even begin to close the divides that are tearing us apart when we can’t even agree on where we are?
Two perfect examples of these divides are climate change and Covid. If you can’t agree that climate change is a man-made disaster that threatens all life on the planet, then you won’t form alliances and mobilize the resources required to address this increasingly imminent problem. Similarly, if you believe that Covid is just another flu that will magically disappear when warm weather arrives and that vaccines are just around the corner, then you won’t take the necessary precautions and develop a comprehensive plan to address the dual problems of protecting lives and livelihoods. No shared reality, no shared sense of truth, no substantive solutions.
I recently read A Pilgrimage to Eternity by Timothy Egan – an amazing book describing his experiences walking the Via Francigena from Canterbury to Rome. As a latte-sipping, New York Times reading, bi-coastal, progressive, I’m always happy to see Tim Egan’s columns appear in the paper. I have always admired his points of view and precise writing style. So, when I saw he had published a book on his quest to ground his faith and beliefs on rigorous research, I immediately bought it.
Egan is an Irish Catholic educated by Jesuits and, as a journalist, is a professional skeptic. He decided to undertake this journey in the hopes of deepening his beliefs. He writes, “Until atheism can tell a story, it will always have trouble packing a house.” In this book, Egan does a masterful and captivating job of telling the faith stories that have emerged over the past two thousand years. Stories are far more compelling than fact-based realities.
As a result of his journey, he has been able to sum up the current state of Christianity in Europe where “all the rules of the spiritual here and thereafter were shaped over centuries of bloodshed.” He goes on to conclude, “You can see why people shun a supposedly benevolent creator who presided over the slaughter of the Wars of Religion, the African slave trade, the butchery of the Great War, Stalin’s mass executions, genocide in Germany and Uganda and Cambodia.” It takes a lot of stories to overcome those realities.
In spite of that hard-nosed acknowledgement of the realities of religion, he spends his pilgrimage sniffing out the possibilities for spiritual mysteries and miracles. I finished the book with an even greater appreciation for his openness, flexibility, and commitment to find his own truth. The book contains impeccable history, epicurean delights, moving testimony, uplifting family relationships, and personal discovery. It’s my highly recommended book of the month.
What struck me as I reflected on the book is how differently people view reality and possibility. 2.1 billion Christians have one view of reality. 1.9 billion Muslims have another view. Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, Mormons, Jains, atheists, and universalists etc. hold still other perspectives on realities and possibilities. My hunch is that Egan made this journey to dig more deeply into how he defines his own reality and how much of that reality his family shares.
On the political front, republicans and democrats appear to be living on entirely different planets these days. Hearing Mitch McConnell and Chuck Schumer’s closing arguments on Amy Coney Barrett’s Supreme Court nomination would lead one to believe that they had watched two completely different hearings and were talking about two different people. And, in regard to the presidential election, there are two clearly different narratives about how Biden won.
Moving from the unshared realities among religions and political parties, I want to shift to more micro and local issues to bring the point home. In my local community, I find it just as difficult to achieve a shared sense of reality as others do a national or global level. We are simply a microcosm.
Elk Rapids is a pristine community on the shores of Lake Michigan and other inland lakes. It is quite simply a little slice of heaven. In spite of its geographic assets, it is facing many demographic liabilities. Elk Rapids is a seasonal community with an ageing and declining population. Housing prices are rising while businesses are declining. It has an excellent school system, but needs to attract young families and provide affordable housing. Many community leaders are trying to expand the library to make it the heart of the community and to stimulate growth in the community. Not surprisingly, many people oppose the expansion. Different perceptions and beliefs, no shared reality.
Given these issues, a group of citizens organized a Coalition for the Possible and invited the best-selling author of 13 Ways to Kill a Community, Doug Griffiths, to talk about his learnings from helping over 100 rural communities reclaim their vibrancy. When I asked Doug if he could wave his magic wand and change the one thing keeping communities from realizing their possibilities, he said, “everyone needs to take responsibility for solving the problem. We need less blaming and more ownership.” Unfortunately, in our community and in Washington DC, we have too much blaming and too little ownership. We not only need a shared reality but also a shared responsibility.
Perhaps what we do share are feelings. An AA friend of mine told me there are seven “danger” feelings for alcoholics: terror, bewilderment, frustration, despair, restlessness, irritability, and discontent. My hunch is that a high percentage of the 70 million people or so on both sides of the political aisle are experiencing many, if not all, of those feelings toward the other side. The reasons for the feelings may differ dramatically but, who knows, they might serve as points of connection.
I realize that my perceptions of Trump supporters and their beliefs don’t necessarily reflect the whole reality; and I’m sure that Trump voters perception of me and my beliefs don’t reflect the whole reality. So, instead of giving into my bewilderment and despair – and giving them the finger – I may look for ways to find a shared reality on some feelings – if not the reasons for those feelings. To be honest, however, I’m not really there yet. I am still too horrified by the fact that 73 million people voted for Trump knowing full well who he is.
In any event, we all need to own the fact that our perceptions do not necessarily define reality and to re-kindle our commitment to identify common ground. While it is true that it takes two sides to build a bridge, it is also clear that one side’s “reality” is based more on fiction than fact. It’s hard to trust intentions when truth is under assault. Hopefully, Biden and Harris will lead the way out of this morass with a return to decency, democracy, and integrity. May it be so.
Great post Ricky! Thank you!
oh Rick, dear blood and soul brother, I come to respond here on your site (not just back channel) on this Veterans’ Day, as one who knows deeply some of what you’ve lived most searingly, and also some of your gifts that make you extraordinary.
Yes, to your diligent search to deal with the great divide that tears our country as similar divisions tug at the rest of the world.
I have two offerings for joining this talk.
One is an effort begun 4 years by folks in San Francisco, BRAVER ANGELS, bringing together red and blue peeps to meet, share, get to know and respect while listening to each other, raising moneny, and offering workshops around the country to show others how to do the same: BRAVERANGELS.ORG
Another is a fine piece by a closer obser of what we progressives fail to grasp about Trump supporters. Worth the few minute read:
https://medium.com/illumination/biden-didnt-win-by-a-landslide-here-s-are-two-reasons-why-afd460a22956
Always loving, deeply respectful hugs
Artie
Thanks Artie, as always, for your thoughtful, kind, and supportive comments. I applaud Braver Angels for doing what they can to bridge the divide. And I read the piece you suggested discussing what we progressives fail to grasp about Trump supporters – very helpful and useful. I agree that Trump supporters don’t feel heard, and I would add that many feel judged and shamed as well. Trump has not only helped his supporters feel understood, he has also tapped into the rage of being judged and has freed their angry demons. We will see what the next month brings if his supporters continue to believe the lies he is spewing.
Thanks Rick, for your post, which is truthful and the Medium article. I truly believe that the truth is somewhere other than the coloring of our points of view and I wrote to Biden (I know he will never see, but the energy is out there) two suggestions: choose as your cabinet and staff the most knowledgeable regardless of party, and attend to the millions who voted for Trump . Being able to lose face is critical to his government and our survival as individuals and collectively. I do feel that the reasons for voting for Trump were from people down, forgotten and out, or for economic reasons. Somehow , I feel though that as the ME Generation we are becoming morally bankrupt and bankrupt of compassion, and self responsibility (me included). I believe that things will change though (maybe not in my lifetime) because we will realize that we are confronting a major crisis eg climate change, war…
PS Brave Angels sounds like community conversations started here by a Michigan group, the name of which escapes me, as do a lot of things right now. I would be happy to participate in anything to make some progress right now.