Dear Annie and Ezra,
I would like to share some thoughts and feelings with you that have helped me on my journey. You will have to find your own path, but these insights may help you find your way. In some ways it is a primer on how to build a soul. You probably won’t read much about that possibility in your educational pursuits.
As you go through life, you are going to encounter many people who are very different from you. They may think differently, feel differently, act differently, believe differently, or look differently. They may give you all kinds of reasons to think you are separate from them and simply can’t relate to them. There are two things, however, you will have in common with all people that may make it easier for you to accept them, forgive them, connect with them, and find common ground. One, everyone must breathe to live; and two, everyone who lives will eventually die. In that sense, we are all part of one whole—not separate in the most essential ways.
You will also share two goals with anyone you will ever meet. First, everyone is searching for ways to come to peace with their own life, and, second, everyone is looking for a way to find peace with their own death. We are all striving together to reach that state of mind whether we say it out loud or not.
Over the course of your lifetime, you will surely experience times of great confusion and chaos. No matter how overwhelmed and disoriented you may feel at times, it’s always important to stay as calm and clear as you possibly can. You will need to stay centered in the storms of your life and keep a sense of stillness even as the world moves rapidly around you. Equanimity in times of crisis is one of the most important skills you can learn.
One of the most precious gifts you can give to people you care about is being fully present in the moment. Bringing all of yourself to as many moments as you can will help you be more mindful and attentive. In those moments, you will want to notice not only what’s going on in you, but also what’s happening with the other person. You will want to listen carefully and deeply to every word, nuance, tone, and feeling. If you can demonstrate understanding to the other person’s experience, you will be a highly valued friend—maybe even a soul mate.
As you grow older, you will want to be careful not to take yourself too seriously. You may acquire great fame and fortune, or not. What’s important to remember is that you are only one person among 8 billion others on this planet, and that this planet is almost 4 billion years old. Your life, no matter how grand and wonderful it may become, is simply a speck on the windshield of history. Humans have only occupied this planet less than 1/1,000 of its history. Remembering those facts will help you stay humble and maintain a sense of perspective.
An important commitment in life is to practice loving kindness. If you can be kind and extend your love, even to people you don’t find very lovable, you will be a much happier person. Being decent, respectful, and welcoming are some of the most worthy goals to pursue.
There will be times in life when things don’t go your way. You will probably never get everything you hope for. It’s tempting to feel hopelessly disappointed and depressed and to wallow in all kinds of negative feelings and energy. What’s helpful is to smile on every twist and turn that life brings you. When you encounter what seems like an insurmountable mountain to climb, say “Thank you mountain—I will grow stronger by walking over you.”
Some helpful hints: Stay fully awake and conscious in as many moments of life as you can. Be mindful. As you observe your state of being in any given situation, try to rise to a higher place. Notice your thoughts, feelings, actions, and sensations. Elevate conversations. Move up the scale of consciousness from physical and tribal survival to enlightened service. Don’t over-identify with any religion, occupation, or organization.
Here’s what you need to know. Life can be challenging and humans are complex. Sometimes, it feels like we have three brains: a physical brain, an intellectual brain, and an emotional brain. When our physical brain is in charge, we act on primal instincts like fighting, fleeing, and freezing. There may be people with whom you want to do battle; there may be scary situations from which you will want to run as fast as can; there may be moments in which you will feel paralyzed to act. When your physical brain is in charge, your body simply reacts without thinking or feeling.
When your intellectual brain is in charge, you act on facts and see everything through the mind’s eye. You ignore what your body is telling you or what your heart is telling you. You simply revert to analyzing and over-thinking everything.
When your emotional brain is in charge, you act entirely on feelings. You either feel driven to achieve or constantly anxious or depressed because life has disappointed or frightened you. When your emotional brain is in charge, you may not pay sufficient attention to your bodily sensations or intellectual processing.
Everyone has these three brains. Some are more developed than others. Some can be more dominant than others at different times and in different situations. One key to a full life is to develop a spiritual brain that enables you to manage these three brains and choose when and where to free each. You want to reach a point at which YOU are in charge of your three brains. Developing that capability requires you to know each of your brains intimately and to know when each is best deployed. When you reach that point, no one will be able to tell you what you are experiencing or what you want out of life. Your soul will be in charge.
You you-ing you means that your three brains are balanced and unified and YOU are conscious of how each brain is functioning in any given moment. Experiencing THIS (growing a soul) may be the most difficult and important purpose in life. The idea is to awake to enter the fullness of life instead of sleeping through life waiting for death to take you to wherever you may go after life.
Buddhists teach that the primary condition of life is suffering and that the root causes of suffering are desires and attachments. Desires can be physical e.g. (lust), emotional (e.g. need for attention) or intellectual (e.g. fame). Similarly, attachments can be physical (e.g. money), emotional (e.g. imaginary illusions about yourself) or intellectual (e.g. ideological identification). The path to Nirvana (perpetual peace) is to let go of your desires and to kill your attachments through right thinking, right views, right thoughts, right speech, right intentions etc. Easier said than done.
At some point in life, accidents or sickness may wound you physically, and you will need to attend to that dimension of your being. At other times, personal, local and world news may batter you intellectually, and you will be challenged to process the complexity of life and the depth and breadth of information you encounter. At times, the people in your life may bruise your heart, and you may deal with your hurt by shriveling up, growing numb, or closing down emotionally in order to protect yourself. And at some point, your relationships with the world at large may crush your soul. Yes, at times, navigating life may seem daunting. Simply noticing your experience doesn’t seem like it’s enough. You will need to find a path for healing. That path to healing might be blocked by all forms of weeds, vines, potholes, landmines, and muck of one sort or another.
As I mentioned, Buddhists believe there is an 8-fold path to Nirvana. While I don’t disagree, I believe you can clear all the rubbish out of your path to healing through meditation, gratitude, and compassion. Meditation soothes your soul. Gratitude helps you appreciate the gifts of life. Compassion enables you to live life with whole-heartedness.
You will need to find a meditation practice that works for you, but I will share what has worked for me. I like to begin my daily meditation by noticing that my feet touch the earth and my head touches the sky. I imagine the vast energy of the earth rising up through my entire body going up and out through my head into the endlessness of space. Then, I experience the energy in the universe coming back down and through my body and into the earth. After several repetitions of lifting this energy up and pulling this energy down, I notice how my breathing has become slower and smoother. I consciously DO some deep breathing—counting to six seconds, holding for two seconds, and then exhaling for six seconds. After my breathing becomes steady and relaxed, I ALLOW myself to breathe freely and effortlessly. Then, I imagine lying on a raft in a calm lake with gentle waves and WELCOME being breathed. I experience the ease, flow, and grace of my breath. After I’m into a smooth and calm breathing pattern, I experience myself wanting to move patiently, gently, and sensitively in harmony with the flow of the universe. My body moves slowly in a figure 8 pattern until I experience the stillness in my movement.
I scan my body for any small signs of tension and let them go. In this relaxed state, I picture myself at the top of a mountain and experience the strength and stability of that giant rock. I feel solid and strong. I picture myself on a beautiful empty beach and experience the vastness of the ocean giving me buoyancy as I float in the warm waters. I feel embraced and supported. I picture myself walking through a beautiful meadow with wild flowers, gentle breezes, singing birds, and running streams. I feel joyful and free. These practices help me start each day more grounded and boundless. I hope you will find a practice that works for you.
I have also found that starting each day with gratitude helps me establish a positive and appreciative frame of mind before I begin the day’s activities and face whatever may come my way. It helps me to give thanks for all the blessings that life offers to everyone whether they are rich or poor, famous or forgotten, gifted or challenged. I start by giving thanks for the earth, water, sun, and air. The earth provides a place for everyone to stand, the water nurtures all living beings, the sun warms us and provides energy, and air enables us to breathe. I give thanks for my time on earth, for the abundance of knowledge available to me, for the sky and stars and planets, for the light shed by enlightened souls past and present.
I give thanks for thought, sound, love, and hope. My mind enables me to process facts and feelings; natural and man-made sounds create harmony; love makes me want to connect deeply with family and friends; and hope lets me see possibilities against the back-drop of whatever realities I may be facing. I give thanks for my ability to see, hear, touch, and taste; for the joy of embracing loved ones warmly; for my parents who brought me into this world. These offerings of thanks help me start my day with a positive frame of mind. I hope you will focus on all the blessings that are present in your life instead of what may be missing.
Finally, living your life with a compassionate heart may be the most fulfilling experience you will have. Compassion begins with empathy—the willingness to crawl into another person’s life and the ability to see the world through their eyes. It means demonstrating genuine interest, sensitive understanding, intimate warmth and authentic caring. Being compassionate means doing the work to help others less fortunate than yourself—going out of your way to ease the pain of another. It means allowing yourself to be moved by suffering.
You can only exercise compassion if you are compassionate with yourself and you open yourself to the abundant love in the Universe. In Taoism, you are encouraged to love yourself, love others, and love Nature. To do that, you will need to be open to opening up to opening. Yup, you will have to ponder that a bit.
I know this is a long letter, but I have lived a long life, and I wanted to share with you some experiences and ideas that have made my life meaningful. Please know that you have added immeasurable meaning to my life. I am so thankful for all of your love and hugs and radiant faces. Your glow has illuminated my life.
I’m hoping, as you grow and develop, you will empty yourself of vanity and greed and fill yourself with gratitude and generosity. I hope you will open yourself fully to the possibilities of life and love and find time and reason each day to dance joyfully and whole-heartedly. As you reflect on your experiences in life, both good and bad, I hope you will reach deeply into them and welcome any revelation they may offer. I hope you find deep connections, meaningful conversations, and endless possibilities. And, finally, I hope you will grow the beautiful soul you brought to this life when you were born. You are two of the most miraculous gifts I have ever been given.
With all my love,
DadDad
Also published on Medium.
Beautiful message ❤️
Beautiful Rick!
Well done my friend!