I’m reeling from violence
I’m kneeling in silence
I’m healing my damaged soul
I’ve been reeling from a sense of loss
I’ve seen kneeling for the Southern cross
So many are healing from a toxic boss
I’ve been thrown off balance from low blows
I’ve seen submission before turned up noses
We all need healing from hate and hoses
I’ve staggered badly from drunken days
I’ve seen kneeling to maleficent ways
I’ve known healing from cosmic rays
I’ve been confused by dizzying facts
I’ve been humbled by decent acts
I’m looking for salve for my many lacks
I’m reeling from violence
I’m kneeling in silence
Oh, what a terrible toll.
It seems to me we have all experienced reeling from events in our lives – anticipated or not. We are thrown off balance by the twists and turns of life. We stagger momentarily, lurch for stability, and may end up down an alley we never could have imagined. We may find ourselves going round and round like a whirling dervish until we feel dizzy and disoriented. Things happen in life that we never planned for and, in many cases, couldn’t imaging happening to us.
Over the course of our lives we may kneel before many altars. Where we choose to kneel has a profound impact on the meaning in our lives. We may go down on our knees in front of someone or something as a gesture of obedience, subservience, loyalty or respect. Knights knelt before kings. Religious people may kneel in shrines, churches, temples, or mosques. Nationalists pledge allegiance to their respective flags. Some may prostrate themselves before the altar of scientific reductionism. Others worship at the altar of White Supremacy or the NRA. We are all too ready to worship at the altar of appearance.
Narcissists want the whole world to kneel before them in reverential praise. We may even find ourselves submitting to these big-ego, strong-willed people out of fear or admiration. Highly driven people kneel before the altar of meritocracy. Selective schools often sing the praises of achievement at any cost. Highly ideological people may kneel on the altar of political creeds. Highly insecure people may worship at the altar of the almighty dollar as a way to measure their success in life – sadly, all those dollars won’t help much after death. People filled with desire may obsess about sex. Ahh, so many altars begging for our time.
Yes, there are many altars calling our names and seducing us to follow their paths. Voices call us to “achieve, achieve, achieve?” or “submit, submit, submit!” or “kill, kill, kill!” Life can be a series of soul-killing treadmills never consciously chosen.
AND, sometimes life lures us onto a path of wholeness and restoration – a quiet path where we can find our own voice and a calm space in which our purpose becomes clear. A place and pace and space where we can heal – ourselves and others. A silent moment to care for our damaged souls.
For me, life feels like periods of reeling, kneeling, and healing. As a I grow older, I’m less surprised and rattled by the disruptions and disasters in my life – I spend less time reeling; I’m more cautious and skeptical about the altars that grab my attention – I spend less time kneeling – unless it is simply in silence; and I’m more conscious of how much energy I’m devoting to helping – I spend more time healing. Oh, I’m still shocked by police killings, and pandemics, and pathetic behavior; but instead of reeling and kneeling, I try to stay with the task of healing. So, that’s the backdrop. Let me get to the point.
This post raises three questions:
- How do we deal with the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual wounds in our lives that leave us reeling?
- How do we make better decisions about the altars on which kneel?
- How can we find a place of calm clarity that enables us to heal ourselves and the world?
Recovering from Reeling:
First, we need to accept that life will sometimes send us reeling. When we experience THIS or THAT, we need to notice what’s going on in our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. How are we feeling? What thoughts are passing through our heads? What is our body telling us? How much harmony and wholeness are we experiencing in the moment?
Then we need to open to seeing, hearing, tasting, and experiencing the world in fresh new ways. Can we stop long enough to reflect and reframe? Are we willing to dig deeper for a better understanding of what just happened? Do we have the ability to engage and shift to a new direction?
Altering our “Altaring”:
The first step is to be honest about the altars on which we are kneeling. Are we on a path we chose consciously or were we influenced by our culture, conditions, and context. Most of us are largely unaware of how powerfully the cultures in which we find ourselves influence our behaviors and beliefs. Fortunately, we can create norms of our own choosing in collaboration with people who share our interests, beliefs, and values. Changing norms, however – by definition – requires a collective effort. It’s critical to find others who are motivated by a common (and hopefully, higher) purpose. We need to assume agency to alter a path that reflects our personal dreams and aspirations. We may need to find an alternate altar to salve our souls.
Healing our Hearts:
I have had the good fortune to learn from people who have made healing and harmony their life’s mission.
George Gurdjieff, one of my favorite authors, not only helped me destroy the illusions I had about myself and the world, he also instilled in me the need to constantly “remember myself” (notice my thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviors) as often as possible – a fairly impossible task. Gurdjieff taught me that over-identifying with anyone or anything, imagining that we are more than who we are, and giving into negative emotions make us vulnerable to reeling for stupid reasons and kneeling to the wrong altars.
Luke Chan, my qigong Master, taught me how to move energy through my body and how to practice long life Tao – love yourself, love others, love Nature. Through subtle movements, I learned the power of lifting chi up and pulling chi down, of opening and closing, of moving from the center. Luke helped me understand the three treasures of China – Jing, Chi, and Shen. Jing represents our primal instincts, Chi represents our vital energies, and Shen represents our spiritual possibilities. According to Luke, the goal of life is to sublimate primal and vital energies into spiritual, healing energies.
Artie Vipperla, my Vietnam War brother and founder of Energy’s Way, taught me how to be more patient, gentle and sensitive; to experience the ease, flow, and grace of each moment; to do deep breathing, allow myself to breathe, and to welcome being breathed. He showed me how to experience harmony with All in the universe in the way we move.
Due Quach, a Vietnamese boat refugee, Harvard/Wharton grad, and the author of Calm Clarity, taught me the neuroscience behind our different mental states. In Brain 1.0, stress hormones, like cortisol, fuel our instincts to fight, flee, or freeze in reaction to threats. In Brain 2.0, dopamine fuels our urges to escape, numb, control or achieve. In Brain 3.0, oxytocin, the love hormone, activates our tend-and-befriend response to support each other, to calm Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0, and to collaborate to overcome the challenges we are facing. According to Due, the key to life is to notice when we are in Brain 1.0 or 2.0, open up to the possibilities of Brain 3.0, and make the shift to a healthier, harmonious and healing place.
Over the past five decades, I have incorporated many of these constructs into my fusion practice. My morning routine of meditating, singing and exercising fills me with the energy I need to face each day. I still find myself reeling at times, and I still find myself kneeling at nutty altars; but I’m spending more time trying to heal my wounds and those of others. Still, my greatest source of joy and energy comes from the relationships I have with my wife, my daughters, my grand twins, and my friends. I’m hoping we will spend less time reeling and kneeling and find the joy, harmony and peace in shifting more of our energies to building healthy relationships and to healing our damaged souls. May it be so.
Also published on Medium.
Love it my friend! Thank you