“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.” Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
“The gentle overcomes the rigid. The slow overcomes the fast. The weak overcomes the strong. Everyone knows that the yielding overcomes the stiff, and the soft overcomes the hard. Yet no one applies this knowledge.” Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
“Simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being. Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
When I turned 75, I took up playing the guitar. I hadn’t played a musical instrument since I gave up the trumpet when I was 11. Now, after 5 years of daily practice, I can sing and play 30 songs from memory. Recently, I found a teacher to help me refine my guitar playing style and skills. Essentially, his recommendations were to play more softly, slowly, and simply. It will surprise no one who knows me that I had been racing through the songs with wild flourishes, strumming furiously on all the strings. By playing with wild abandon, I was missing all the subtleties and soul of the songs.
Soft, slow and simple. Not exactly the way I have lived my life. I’ve always been known for being fast, hard, and complicated. My parents never figured out what I did for a living. Could it be possible that I could apply the lessons learned from playing the guitar at this point in my life? Not so easy given the cultural conditioning to which I was exposed.
I grew up in a town where sports were king. You were either an athlete or a marginal player. My next door neighbor was the legendary football coach in my town, so it was pretty clear from the beginning that I had better find some sort of athletic path. Football didn’t work. I was too small and didn’t like violent contact. Basketball didn’t work. I wasn’t good enough to be on the starting team. I chose running. The goal was to run faster and faster, train harder and harder. Not too complicated, but fast and hard ruled.
When I joined the military, that conditioning was reinforced in spades. No softness. Obey commands immediately. Again, not complicated, but it was hard and fast on steroids. While working in jails for 8 years after the military, I had daily encounters with inmates who were paying the price for living hard, fast, and complicated lives.
It was when I began my career that life became a bit more complicated. As an organizational psychologist in a firm I co-founded, I never knew from month to month if I would have any work or income, or with whom or where I would be working from week to week. Not only did I choose a field in which complexity was a pre-condition for my employment, but it also demanded hard and fast choices to solve complicated problems. If you have ever watched the TV series, Suits, you surely noticed that soft and slow are not typically considered options in hard-driving corporate and legal cultures.
Clearly, in these challenging, chaotic and truly treacherous times, some situations require hard, fast, complex solutions. It seems to me, however, that we have too often dismissed too quickly the slow, soft, and “simple” options that may lead to more sustainable solutions. Perhaps we should try strumming our guitars before loading our guns.
In our modern, fast-paced world, the pursuit of a soft, slow, and simple life has emerged as a counter-cultural movement. While society often glorifies productivity, busyness, and material accumulation, embracing a gentler, more intentional way of living allows us to prioritize what truly matters, fostering deeper connections with ourselves, others, and the world around us.
Living softly entails cultivating kindness, compassion, and empathy towards ourselves and others. It involves embracing vulnerability, practicing self-care, and prioritizing emotional well-being. By slowing down, we create space for mindfulness and reflection, allowing us to appreciate the present moment and savor life’s simple pleasures. A simple life focuses on experiences rather than possessions.
Slowing down requires us to be present, mindful and intentional. Going slowly means prioritizing quality over quantity. When we are constantly rushing from one task to another, we lose touch with our inner selves and our relationships suffer. A soft and slow approach to life encourages us to be present, listen attentively, and express our emotions authentically, leading to more fulfilling and supportive relationships. As the saying goes, “slow down, I’m in a hurry.”
Simplifying our lives allows us to focus on what truly matters. When we are not consumed by the pursuit of material possessions or the latest trends, we can direct our energy towards activities that align with our values and passions. This can lead to a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment. And, according to the mental model, Occam razor, the simplest explanation is most likely the right one, i.e. “it is futile to do with more what can be done with fewer.”
One of the primary benefits of embracing this lifestyle is reduced stress and anxiety. By intentionally slowing down and simplifying our lives, we create a buffer against these stressors. We learn to prioritize rest, relaxation, and activities that nourish our souls, leading to improved mental and physical health.
A soft, slow, and simple life also promotes sustainability and environmental consciousness. By consuming less and choosing experiences over things, we reduce our ecological footprint and contribute to a healthier planet. We become more mindful of our choices, opting for sustainable practices that support local communities and minimize waste.
2,500 years ago, Lao Tzu gave us a prescription for a fulfilling life: soft, slow and simple. We have not been particularly compliant. In the future, I’m hoping I can play my guitar a little more softly, sing a little more slowly, and strum a little more simply. I’m hoping all of us can resist our conditioning and impulses to take hard, fast, and complicated approaches to all the challenges we face. I’m hoping we can not only talk more softly, walk more slowly, and live more simply, but also pay closer attention to subtleties and soul. The music will be richer, our lives will be fuller, and the world will be safer. May it be so.
Also published on Medium.
I’m looking in the mirror! Thank you!