Memorials and Messages

Here’s the big secret: It’s the fear of death that’s driving all this selfish behavior. 

Research in evidence-based psychology suggests a strong link between fear of death and increased selfishness or self-centered behavior. Terror Management Theory (TMT) is a prominent framework that explains how the awareness of death leads individuals to prioritize self-preservation and self-interest to manage existential anxiety.

Multiple studies have found that mortality reminders increase selfish behaviors and reduce prosocial actions, supporting the idea that feeling threatened by death fosters selfishness. Additional studies suggest that when death anxiety is reduced through mindfulness or existential therapy, individuals tend to display higher levels of altruism and prosocial behavior, indicating an inverse relationship between fear of death and altruism. These findings suggest that if the fear of death were to decline—perhaps through cultural, philosophical, or psychological interventions—altruism and prosocial behaviors could increase, as individuals would have fewer existential insecurities driving selfishness.

Dan Brown’s new book, The Secret of Secrets, is based on the social psychology supporting that theory.  In classic Brown fashion, this profound notion comes alive in almost 700 pages of a thrill-filled murder mystery set in Prague and infused with CIA dirty tricks.  Brown combines travelogue and love affairs along with facts and fictions to keep us on high alert through the whole saga.  Most importantly, for me, was his deep dive into noetic science or the study of consciousness.  The story revolves around the dialogue between a Harvard academic, Robert Langdon, and a noetic scientist, Katherine Solomon, who start out on opposite ends of the belief in nonlocal consciousness and end up in a merging of those beliefs.  In real life, in an interview about his new book, Dan Brown admits that he had a conversion experience over the eight years of writing the book as he dug deeply into the study of consciousness.  I read the whole book in three days – couldn’t put it down. 

The Secret of Secrets was particularly captivating for me because I have been studying consciousness for over 50 years, starting in Vietnam when I was dealing with real fears of my own death.  The conversations between Robert and Katherine about death laid bare the tensions between common sense and science, between individual intuition and institutional expertise, between magical thinking and evidence-based thinking, between facts and beliefs, between faith and reason.  All of which, believe it or not, leads me to the Charlie Kirk memorial. 

Who knew this book would have such relevance to the moment we are in.  Clearly, given the extreme selfishness and narcissism exhibited in the current administration, it now makes sense how afraid of death Trump and his cronies must be.  And the recent memorial for her husband revealed how unafraid Erika Kirk is of her own death.  (Personally, I’m not reassured by her reasons but that doesn’t matter.)  The multiple messages that came out of the memorial were very revealing.  The pundits and podcasters have already expressed volumes on the tone and content of all the speeches and what this moment means.  For me, three were particularly brilliant:  One, a podcast with Ezra Klein and TaNehisi Coates; two, an article by Nikole Hannah Jones; and three, a column by Stephen Pinker.   What I will do here is provide my summary of two starkly different messages at the memorial.  

Does this mean that I am now an Erika Kirk fanboy?  No.  Do I applaud her for her courage, her commitment, and her genuine expression of love and loss? Yes.  Her speech had a congruent ring to it.  She has strong beliefs and her words were consistent with her professed faith. She made it clear that the assassination was the act of one man, that Charlie should be remembered as a dedicated family man, and that she hopes this tragedy can be a spiritual turning point made manifest by love and forgiveness. 

While, to me, she still represents the iconic Barbie version of the Christian-right, trad- wife, husband-helper, her message at least came across as authentic.  The fact that I think over-identification with any religion causes real problems doesn’t discount the pain of her loss. In short, I honor her grief, but her message was not a spiritual turning point for me.  And, clearly, the Trump clan’s message was anything but a political turning point for me.

Trump’s speech exploited Kirk’s horrific death and inflamed the moment.  He offered few condolences in his completed convoluted message:  “They” didn’t kill Charlie Kirk, he was not a martyr, it does not represent a religious turning point – particularly given Trump’s message of hate and retribution—and it was more of a political plea to follow Donald Trump than Jesus Christ.  Trump’s speech was full of angry grief, “holy violence,” and thought-stopping clichés that have fueled a malignant normalcy in the country.  It felt opportunistic and contrived.

All of which brings me back to consciousness and the fear of death.   My question is, what amount of scientific evidence would it take to reduce the fear of death and thus to increase more prosocial, pro-service behaviors?

Personally, I believe that opening up to Universal Energy, connecting with the Cosmos, and being at One with Nature may be the mystical pills that might help us make that shift.  It seems to me, and an increasing body of research supports it, is that consciousness may be the key to . . . . . . . . . . . . hmmm, what should I say?  Salvation?  Immortality?  Eternal Life?  Ohhh, this gets very fraught.  But what if I were to say that heightened consciousness improves self-awareness, impartial objectivity, openness to possibility, increased unity and harmony, more presence, greater sense of peace and calm, more loving kindness, a lighter sense of being, and better sex.  Now we are talking.  And, independent of what actually happens after death, it would certainly lead to less selfish and more prosocial behavior.    

In a previous post, Raindrops in the Ocean,  I wrote about the spiritual foundations underlying the notion of seeing yourself as part of the whole and the psychological shifts that occur when we see ourselves as interconnected:

“First, it shifts focus from individual ego to collective consciousness, encouraging collaborative behaviors instead of competition. This shift fosters social harmony and reduces violence motivated by power struggles and entitlement. Second, it nurtures humility, understanding that no one is separate from the collective, which cultivates empathy and forgiveness. Third, it inspires stewardship of the earth, recognizing the interconnectedness of all beings within the web of life, leading to sustainable practices.”

What I have found over the years, as I have tried to become a bit more conscious, is that a wider spectrum of energy and wave lengths have opened up. As my daughter would say, the window has gotten larger.  At 80, I still have the energy to do what I want to do.  Well, some of what I want to do.  Hopefully, that energy has helped me to contribute to the causes I find important.   

 I’m hoping if there is any turning point in the world, it will be that people become more conscious, kind, altruistic, and prosocial.  I’m hoping our windows get larger and our mirrors reflect who we really are.  Finally, I’m hoping we can tap into sources of energy that lead to peace instead of war.  May it be so. 

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