Tag: relationships
Civility
“So let us begin anew—remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate. Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us.” —John F. Kennedy “The whole country wants civility. Why don’t we have it? It doesn’t cost anything. No federal funding, no legislation Read More
Gritty Beginnings and Gracious Endings
“In Hinduism, Shiva is a deity who represents transformation. Through destruction and restoration, Shiva reminds us that endings are beginnings, and that our world is constantly undergoing a cycle of birth, death and rebirth.” —Karen Salmansohn A dear friend of almost 50 years recently shared with me that he was planning to retire soon. I responded, “It will be hard for you to let go of the decision making power you have enjoyed for so Read More
Conflict Clarity
“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” —William James We all face conflicts in life. Conflicts occur then people have different points of view, values, and principles. There is no way we can avoid conflicts. We can develop a healthy attitude toward conflict, however, that enables us to calmly view differences as opportunities for growth. Healthy Read More
Possibilists and Pragmatists
For me, dreaming is simply being pragmatic. —Shimon Peres There are probably a lot of things I do to drive my family crazy. Two behaviors high on the list, though, are surely my habit of rushing people to stay on my agenda and my constant attraction to whatever seems new and exciting—whether that’s pursuing a new idea or purchasing a new house. I guess I could best be described as an impatient possibilist. For me, Read More
We
“I still can’t see, why Democracy means, everybody but me.” —Langston Hughes In a recent conversation with Due Quach (pronounced Zway Kwok), the creator and author of Calm Clarity, she shared new content she is developing to integrate lessons from the Johari Window, the Enneagram, and the Calm Clarity Brain 1.0, 2.0, and 3.0 framework. It struck me as a brilliant idea to tie these three tools together. The Johari Window is a simple way Read More
Recovering Our Innocence/Earning Wisdom
I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to be intimately involved with my twin grandchildren since they were born. I continually marvel at their innocence and joyfulness as they engage with the world and experience its wonders. As they are about to enter first grade, I wonder when and how they will start to lose their innocence. I wonder how long it will take before the rules, routines, and relentless pressures begin to strip away their sense of freedom and mystery.
My 50th
March 28th marked the 50th Anniversary of my first step into Army life in Vietnam and the first step out of the life I had always known. Serendipitously, I was having lunch that day with a colleague and friend whom I had known for 25 years but never understood his history with the war. As it turns out, he had an entirely different experience than I did. At 18 years old, he signed up for Read More
And
“The complexity of things—the things within things—just seems to be endless. I mean nothing is easy, nothing is simple.” —Alice Munro I catch a lot of flak in my family for not being an avid dog lover. Every time someone raves about how much they love dogs, I get a sideways glance that barks, “Why can’t you be more like that?” The truth is that I like dogs, AND I have a hard time accepting Read More
The Best Use of Our Time
Thirty years ago my wife threw a pan at me. We had just finished our first year of living in Toronto, Canada after I had accepted a big job with Northern Telecom. While I was traveling all over the world attending business meetings, she was stuck at home with the kids knowing no one and dealing with an unhappily deported teenager and a happily dependent four-year-old. She had taken a leave of absence from a Read More
Grow Grow
“Every blade of grass has an angel that bends over it and whispers, ‘Grow! Grow!'” —Talmud
My grandkids were born prematurely at 26.5 weeks. Ezra weighed a whopping 2 pounds, and Annie weighed a fragile 1.5 pounds.
Measuring Meaning in the New Year
“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” —Thomas Merton OK, here’s the problem. When I searched the internet for “how to measure meaning,” the first item that popped up (the most popular Yahoo answer) was how to measure your penis. Apparently, a lot of men are still finding the greatest source of meaning in their life to be the size Read More
Tribes and Teams
“Before the rise of the nation-state, the world was mostly tribal. Tribes were united by language, religion, blood, and belief. They feared other tribes and often warred against them.” —Robert Reich When I conduct teambuilding sessions, I often start by administering a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) so that I can understand the different personality styles on the team. The idea is to identify and leverage differences to achieve optimal performance. The MBTI has a continuum Read More
Care, Connect, Contribute
In 1938, Sir Nicholas Winton started rescuing children from certain death in the Nazi concentration camps. He singlehandedly brought 669 children from Czechoslovakia to Britain and connected them with families there. Most of their families perished in Auschwitz. He never told a soul about his efforts and kept it a secret for 50 years until his wife found a notebook with the names and pictures of all the children he had saved. Sir Winton cared Read More
The Hard Truth of Mental Illness
Crawl into this experience. Feel it. You have a mentally ill brother who has been tormented by his disease for over 50 years. He has suffered from delusions and voices his whole life.
He claims he knows Deep Throat. He is convinced that the FBI has implanted listening devices in his brain and in his teeth. He believes his parents are clones, and he is not sure who is real and who isn’t.
Balance and Unity
“I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. Corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed.” —Abraham Lincoln, Nov. Read More
The Fragility of Freshness
“If you can’t smell the fragrance, don’t come into the garden of love.” –Rumi “Let me not die while I am still alive.” –Hasidic prayer Knowing when to cut your avocado is a tricky task. One day too early and the fruit inside is too hard. One day too late, and it turns brown and mushy. Finding optimal freshness is a challenge with fruit and with life. I hate it when my strawberries get Read More
Reciprocity
Are the facts you think you know about immigration in the U.S. actually myths?–and what does the psychological concept of reciprocity have to do with the concept of being an American?
The Sacred and the Significant
“Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.” —Joseph Campbell
In her role as a Pretend Princess dressed in her frilly yellow gown complete with a crown on her head, my 5 year old granddaughter imperiously issued a solemn proclamation to her constituency: “Be kind, be truthful, and stay alive.”
Turning 90: Like a Fox
My wife and I have been in a book group for 33 years. The co-founder is turning 90 on March 7. When we joined the group, all of us were in our 30’s, 40’s, or 50’s. Now we are in our 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. We have been through a lot together – diseases, deaths, disasters, and disagreements as well as celebrations, joys, and shared experiences. We have a deep and abiding respect for each Read More
Presence and Presents
“We convince by our presence.” —Walt Whitman
You can’t fake being present in the long term…and other thoughts on how presents can’t stack up to the gift of presence.
Reacting and Responding
People deserve to be understood.
Many people are suffering from crushing pain that they just can’t seem to beat.
How can we respond–without reacting?
Pain and Empathy
Pain may not be your friend, but it may be your partner. And pain may be the path to empathy.
Imperfect Friends
No friend is perfect. Some let you down. Some disappear in a crisis. Some say the wrong words in their attempts to be helpful. Some just move on. And yet, as individuals, we need friends to survive and grow; and, as a society we need more civility, respect, and acceptance of differences if we are going to resolve the divide that plagues us. In a recent column, David Brooks said: “The great challenge of our Read More
Three Types of Trust
I’ve been married to the same woman for 46 years, and I can say unequivocally that I totally trust her. I trust her to do the right thing, I trust her to not throw me the under the bus (even though I have given her many opportunities), and I trust her to stand up for people in need of special help. When she makes a statement, I know it is based on sound research; she Read More