“I still can’t see, why Democracy means, everybody but me.” —Langston Hughes
In a recent conversation with Due Quach (pronounced Zway Kwok), the creator and author of Calm Clarity, she shared new content she is developing to integrate lessons from the Johari Window, the Enneagram, and the Calm Clarity Brain 1.0, 2.0, and 3.0 framework. It struck me as a brilliant idea to tie these three tools together.
The Johari Window is a simple way of graphing how open we are with ourselves and others—how much we are willing to disclose to others and how willing we are to hear feedback about ourselves.
The Enneagram is a type indicator that enables us to see how we are “hard-wired.”
I love the Enneagram because it not only helps us understand which of 9 psychological types we are, but it also describes levels of health within each type.
It’s the best tool for understanding family and team dynamics I have ever used.
Both of these tools help us understand when and why we may be operating in Brain 1.0 (self-preservation and freeze-flight-fight mode), Brain 2.0 (reward-seeking and immediate gratification mode), or Brain 3.0 (self-mastery and embodying our higher qualities mode). Learn more about the Calm Clarity framework here.
After having read that first paragraph, your head may be swimming. It’s a lot to absorb.
In order to simplify those ideas and make them more accessible and applicable, Due and I landed on the acronym NOUS (French for “we”) as a handle for organizing all the material into digestible bites.
NOUS stands for Notice, Open, Understand, and Shift.
In order to be more mindful as individuals, teams, and citizens, we need to NOTICE our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors as well as those of our friends, family, and co-workers. We need to be OPEN to sharing more about ourselves and to hearing observations about ourselves that may feel uncomfortable and/or confrontational. We then need to UNDERSTAND the dynamics and motivations that lie beneath how we think, feel, enjoy or suffer. Finally, we need to SHIFT from any negative states we may be in to a more positive state of Calm Clarity—Brain 3.0.
We can NOTICE by attending more fully, observing more carefully, and listening more caringly.
Noticing requires us to be present in the moment. It means eliminating distractions, leaning in, maintaining eye contact, and focusing our mind.
It means paying attention to others and remembering ourselves all at the same time—a challenging task.
We can OPEN by letting go of our fears of being exposed, by broadening the boundaries of what we let in and what we let out, and by taking risks and making ourselves vulnerable.
Opening means we give ourselves a chance to learn, grow, and engage in more intimate relationships. It requires us to reach out by revealing more of ourselves and to reach in by exploring our roots, our routines, and our realities…as well as our fantasies.
Being open means that we have to turn off or tone down our censoring mechanisms and welcome new ideas and possibilities.
We can UNDERSTAND by using tools like the Johari Window, the Enneagram, and the Calm Clarity constructs to get to the bottom of why we may be more reactive or achieving than we would like to be and how we can reach a state of Calm Clarity more easily.
Understanding helps us to clarify what is keeping us in an aggressive or hyper-achieving state and why we feel fearful, numb, and stuck.
It also enables us to set goals and develop plans for moving forward.
We can SHIFT by developing the capabilities to create a more fulfilling and satisfying life, by making the commitment to growth, and by finding a culture that is supportive of our deeper and higher desires.
Shifting requires us to let go of the attitudes and behaviors that limit us and to take charge of our lives. It means making effort and doing the work.
When we shift to a more meaningful lifestyle, we begin to experience more clarity and calmness in our lives. We feel more at peace with ourselves, with others, and with Nature. We appreciate all the boundless beauty that surrounds us.
NOUS, in its elegant simplicity, captures the heart of what WE want and need in our lives.
We need each other. We perform better when we are working collaboratively. We feel better when we have a sense of belonging. We are more resilient when we have supportive friends who care about us.
Life is easier when our focus is on We instead of me.
And yet, we see the deleterious effects of “MEism” every day.
When it’s all about ME, we search for endless means to “feed our ego-beast.”
Our self-congratulations, however, only serve to build up our vanity and usually go down in vain.
When headlines, flattery, and winning are the goals at all costs, then the solutions of today become the problems of tomorrow.
NOUS is not only an umbrella term that brings us all together, it can also serve as a framework on which we can hang big ideas that help us all grow together. NOUS helps us shift the way we think, feel, and act into a frame of mind in which we all benefit. NOUS is about us, not them. NOUS is about we not me.
NOUS helps us feel more at ONE with ALL instead of one against all.
If you would like to shift from ME to WE and spend more of your life in a state of Calm Clarity, I recommend that you sign up for a workshop. Go to www.calmclarity.org. Or at least read the book.
To me, we need a bigger WE.
WE need to be more than our religion, race, roots and ruling rights.
Those are simply brighter lights of me, but still darkly exclusive. Langston Hughes cut to the chase in these stanzas:
O, let America be America again—
The land that never has been yet—
And yet must be—the land where every man is free. The land that’s mine—the poor man’s, Indian’s, Negro’s, ME—
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again. Sure, call me any ugly name you choose—
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people’s lives,
We must take back our land again, America!
O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath—
America will be!
As long as people cling to a narrow version of “We,” people will feel excluded from the dream.
We Americans means all people who live, learn, and work here. We need to NOTICE when people are excluded and exploited. We need to OPEN up our borders and our brains to be more inclusive. We need to UNDERSTAND the history and dynamics that brought Langston Hughes to say American was never America to me. We need to SHIFT our focus from ME to We so that we can experience the America that will be.
May your expanded notion of NOUS lead to a bigger and better YOU, and may our democracy mean WE.
Also published on Medium.
Beautiful Ricky! I love you my brother ! RonnyDonny