Author: Rick Bellingham
Torment and Terror
It’s hard to penetrate the emotional depths of people who have suffered or are suffering extreme abuse, trauma, or cultural conditioning. Empathy is hard enough when a person’s experience falls within the bounds of “normality.” In extreme cases, words never seem to be sufficient to comfort or heal. In the last few weeks, I read three brilliant books telling very different stories of torment and terror. My Absolute Darling by Gabriel Tallent is a fictional Read More
Culture, Complicity, and Courage
“Noncooperation with evil is just as much a moral duty as is cooperation with good.” ―Martin Luther King Jr., The Radical King The problem is that Trump is not the biggest problem. The real problems are the culture that got Trump elected and the complicity that keeps him in office. I can only hope we can find the courage to change the culture and to challenge the dysfunctional systems that are manifesting negative energy in Read More
Factivists
I recently saw a simple and profound bumper sticker with just one word describing the driver’s orientation to life: FACTIVIST. I thought, now there’s a person I’d like to meet—an activist with command of the facts. In the last couple of weeks, I also read Stephen Pinker’s wonderful new book, Enlightenment Now and Jeremy Lent’s inspiring new book, The Patterning Instinct. Both of these books arm us with the facts we need to become more Read More
The Best Use of Our Time
Thirty years ago my wife threw a pan at me. We had just finished our first year of living in Toronto, Canada after I had accepted a big job with Northern Telecom. While I was traveling all over the world attending business meetings, she was stuck at home with the kids knowing no one and dealing with an unhappily deported teenager and a happily dependent four-year-old. She had taken a leave of absence from a Read More
Grow Grow
“Every blade of grass has an angel that bends over it and whispers, ‘Grow! Grow!'” —Talmud
My grandkids were born prematurely at 26.5 weeks. Ezra weighed a whopping 2 pounds, and Annie weighed a fragile 1.5 pounds.
Caring Cultures
“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.” —Margaret Mead
I’ve been lucky in my life to be a member of many caring cultures. I felt loved and respected growing up. Strangely enough, my team of co-workers in a jail rehab program …
Principal and Principles
Dedicated to Fox Stoddard—a man of principle. There is an old story in which a man asks a woman if she would prostitute herself for $100.00. Grossly offended and insulted, the woman responds, “Of course not, don’t be ridiculous.” The man presses his case further and asks, “How about a million?” The woman pauses and says, “Hmmm, I will have to think about it.” The man then delivers the crushing blow:
Style and Substance
I just finished plowing through all 959 pages of Ron Chernow’s biography of Ulysses S. Grant. The New York Times reviewed the book as vast, panoramic, and essential with an eerie resemblance to our current times. For me, it was like a guided tour through the Civil War and three Presidencies: Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, and Grant. This book not only made the top five non-fiction list for 2017, but also the top ten for Read More
Measuring Meaning in the New Year
“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” —Thomas Merton OK, here’s the problem. When I searched the internet for “how to measure meaning,” the first item that popped up (the most popular Yahoo answer) was how to measure your penis. Apparently, a lot of men are still finding the greatest source of meaning in their life to be the size Read More
Tribes and Teams
“Before the rise of the nation-state, the world was mostly tribal. Tribes were united by language, religion, blood, and belief. They feared other tribes and often warred against them.” —Robert Reich When I conduct teambuilding sessions, I often start by administering a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) so that I can understand the different personality styles on the team. The idea is to identify and leverage differences to achieve optimal performance. The MBTI has a continuum Read More
Parenting as Helping
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” —Frederick Douglass
To be effective helpers, parents need to create the conditions and develop the skills required to make a positive difference in a child’s life. Based on my analysis of research conducted over the past 50 years, there are four conditions and four skills at the foundation of effective parenting.
Different Differences
“We have to continue to learn. We have to be open. And we have to be ready to release our knowledge in order to come to a higher understanding of reality.” —Thich-Nhat-Hahn I recently attended a Buddhist family sangha in which the discussion revolved around child raising practices. It was a lovely service consisting of young parents who were seeking ways to develop more peace in their families and in the world. After a 15-minute Read More
Missions and Missionaries
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” —Maya Angelou On a recent biking trip on the Creeper Trail in Abington, VA with the Road Scholars, I learned that Barbara Kingsolver lived in the area and owned a restaurant there. Serendipitously, our group had dinner in her restaurant, and I was delighted to see all of her Read More
I-It, I-Thou, I-THIS
“We cannot avoid using power, cannot escape the compulsion to afflict the world, so let us, cautious in diction and mighty in contradiction, love powerfully.” —Martin Buber I first came across Martin Buber when I was in college. I had had no exposure to spiritual thinkers at the time. Buber, a Jewish philosopher best known for his philosophy of dialogue, was nominated for the Nobel Prize in Literature ten times and the Nobel Peace Prize Read More
The Constitution as Culture Audit
One of my favorite tasks as an organizational psychologist is to design, administer, and evaluate culture audits. The design process is the most important part because it entails asking the people in an organization to create norms and values of their own choosing. In focus groups, I ask people to share what they believe are the desired and required norms for their organizations, i.e. what kind of work environment would they find most exciting and Read More
Telling it Like it Isn’t
“The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.” —Leonardo da Vinci We recently drove from Asheville, North Carolina to San Diego, California—about 36 hours of driving time. I was pleasantly surprised not to hit a single pothole. The roads were in excellent shape from coast to coast. Thank you, President Obama, for your stimulus package. The bump-less ride made me think of the broad assault Trump has made on the Obama legacy by Read More
Facing Fears
She turned toward her purpose. She wanted to have children, a family, a career. She was full of joy as twin fetuses grew in her womb. They decided to come early at 26 weeks. The girl weighed a pound and a half with sepsis. The boy was a fragile two pounds. She feared her dream and her babies would die. She fiercely faced the terrifying probabilities. She turned toward what she needed to do. She Read More
No Dancing in These Halls
“We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.” —Nietzsche On a big gig with big Pharma, I brought my older daughter to help with collecting data and gathering impressions. After a week of intensive focus groups and walking through the corporate headquarters, she dryly commented, “Hmmm, there’s no dancing in these halls!” By that time in my career, I had worked with hundreds of organizations around the world, Read More
Mindful Walking with Energy’s Way
I love to walk. My wife and I have trekked hundreds of miles on gorgeous trails in New Zealand, Patagonia, Iceland, our National Parks and many more. For the last 10 years, we have started out almost every day with a three mile walk with our dog. It was a matter of necessity at first—no walk, no peace from the dog. Now he just sleeps all day waiting for the next walk. Over the past Read More
Care, Connect, Contribute
In 1938, Sir Nicholas Winton started rescuing children from certain death in the Nazi concentration camps. He singlehandedly brought 669 children from Czechoslovakia to Britain and connected them with families there. Most of their families perished in Auschwitz. He never told a soul about his efforts and kept it a secret for 50 years until his wife found a notebook with the names and pictures of all the children he had saved. Sir Winton cared Read More
Identity and Unity
I was listening to a Krista Tippett podcast on a recent 8-hour car ride. Krista was interviewing Nikki Giovanni, a world-renowned, African-American poet, activist and educator. Ms. Giovanni was discussing the poem she delivered at Virginia Tech after the horrible shooting tragedy there in which 32 innocent people were killed by a troubled loner. I was struck by the power of her words and their relevance to where we are today – particularly after Orlando Read More
The Menace of Mendacity
Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters. —Albert Einstein There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting. —Buddha Truth is not a trivial thing. Words matter. Being accurate requires curiosity, diligence, and rigor. I know that everyone has a different idea about what is truth. Much of the debate started when Pontius Pilate asked Read More
Marketing and Leadership
“When you are made a leader, you aren’t given a crown; you are given the responsibility to bring out the best in others.” —Jack Welch, Former CEO of General Electric There is an old adage that leaders are born not made. That myth became popular as people observed that most leaders had personality traits such as intelligence, charisma, attractive appearance, and confidence. I believe the truth is that effective leaders are typically born AND made, Read More
Inspiration and Aspiration
“To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.” —Khalil Gibran, The Madman I once worked for a company that aspired to be a $10B corporation. I said to the executives at that time, “That may be a good goal but it surely isn’t a compelling vision, and it does nothing to inspire me.” I left the company after two years. Part Read More